Something Shitty Bout Me!

We was only close friends at first but then as time flows by,I realize that I dun really treat him as only normal friend!I'd went out with him a few times and the feelings became stronger and he's just all over me.I wanna see him so much and wanna know what is he doing or where is he!OMG,I hate this kind of feelings on me especially when I misses him every single moment!I never had this kind of feelings on anyone but then to him!AARRRGGHHHH~~~
We dun contact each other since yesterday.He replied only one of my message.I'm a little disappointed,I'd sent three message to him from yesterday till today but neither one of them is replied.Everytime my phone rang,my heart was beating like hell as I wanted to die and is full of excitement but when I reached for my phone,he was not the one who messaged nor called me.I reached for my phone,I closed my eyes and tell the phone to appear his name on the screen but none of them is him!
I convinced myself that maybe he is out of credit or busy! I feel so stupid of myself having only this kind of feelings myself.He dun even bother how I felt and go on with his life as normal.I hate myself for falling on him when he dun even knew about it.I hate myself for loving him when he only treated me as maybe little sister or a very normal friend of him.
I'm stupid!I onlined just to check whether he is online or not.I signed in friendster just to view his profile and this was repeated lots of times a day and it had been my daily routine.I view his blog just to check whether has he updated his blog or not.OMG OMG OMG~ Why do I have this feelings?
I'd control myself not to,but this stupid feelings just keep on telling me to sent him at least a message or try to contact him.Yes,I did!I'd managed to message and call him several times but he dun answer my call.Then everything just came up with disappointment.
I saw the friendster comment he sent or any girl had sent to him.It gave me a feeling of distress that he actually treated every of his gal friend the same way as he treated me.It was like a kind of feelings as ambiguous which I hated the most!
I chatted with his close friend yesterday and confess everything to him.His friend said that he dun really mix with girl friend and seldom praise any girl whom is pretty,but then I remembered once that he told me I was pretty in my new hair,and guess what!?I was actually very happy and feel like a bird flying in the sky.Stupid nia me.Maybe he told every girl the same way as mine,dun think too much Miss Lim!That funny guy just told me that I may be not be his cup of tea but then maybe is his biscuit or coffee.Really funny nia,anyway really thanks for cheering me up friend!
I feel like crying everytime when I was confused whether to tell him my feelings or not.What if I tell him then he rejected me,what if I tell him then we dun even bother to be friend anymore?What if he avoid me after I confess everything to him?I dun wanna lost him in my life,I mean even as a friend or whatsoever is okay with me.
He told me before once that maybe I was just having this fresh feelings of knowing a new friend,but I never had this kind of feelings on anyone before and he is the first one!And I'm sure that this is not a fresh feelings of mine.
I dun believe in true nor forever love,what I care for is present!But then with this guy,I wanna be with him like forever~
He was like a Mr.Perfect or either Mr.Right and Mr.100% to me.I dreamt of him every single day and this is not a joke!
Aiiiyyyooooo......Confused la wei!Whatever I do,whatever song I listened,whatever movie I watched,whatever fairytale I read always remind me of him!I always remind myself for never fall on anyone but then this time,I seriously like him!!
AARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~
Hate myself!!Feel like banging my head towards the wall then to hospital cuci my stupid brain!Aiyyoo,I like him la!!!